Family, who are they?

Blood or friendship / relationship?

I believe that family doesn’t have to be people that has the same blood as the one streaming in your body. This post is written with hatred. I can’t contain my hatred anymore and I’m gonna share why.

My sister and I never have a good relationship. When I was a child, around 3 or 4 y.o, she didn’t wanna touch or be touched by me. Whenever we accidentally touch each other, she would act like she just touch the grossest thing in the world. That is my first memory of her. I remember once I was pissed off of her, and I just need to pretend like I’m gonna touch her to make her cry. She really did cry. I think this is the root for all my hatred. I never get the answer on why that happen and I don’t even wanna know anymore.

Growing up, we fight almost everyday. That’s why when she was leaving to study in China, I was so fucking happy. I didn’t miss her at all. I have all the freedom and I felt like I can finally breathe in my house.

But sometimes, looking at my friends’ relationships with their sisters make me jealous a little. I was quite curious on how it would feel if I have a good relationship with my sister. So I try to make our relationship works. I think it’s harder for me because I still can’t forgive for what she did to me in the past. I was a child, I know nothing about behaving. She was suppose to play with me and teach me, not treat me like a garbage.

It was already hard fighting my inner demon who doesn’t want to forgive her. She makes it even fucking harder by acting like a fucking bitch. She’s so fucking childish and does the things that she knows I hate. She was screaming at me in public at the slightest mistake that I make. Again, she treats me like a garbage.

I’m not gonna try anymore and that bitch showed me how blood doesn’t mean a thing. I still love my family, just not her. This summer is the last time I’m gonna try to fix this fucking relationship.

 

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